This post is a bit delayed because it took me several attempts to get my thoughts written down, and it still doesn’t capture the full expression of my feelings…
But, death sucks! I think we can all equally say we hate it. Even when we can celebrate the long life a person lived or know that person is going to be in heaven, it still sucks for those of us who are still here on earth.
What do you do to get through it? What do you do to mourn? How do you move forward?
I’ll tell you, I am not a healthy griever. I have perfected the art of insulating myself to not feel fully. That is, until some unknown date many months later when I completely break down and sob uncontrollably. Growing up, I had been somewhat sheltered from death, until my grandfather passed away when I was in late elementary school. I don’t remember much of it. It wasn’t until my adult life when I lost my grandmothers and a couple other people connected to my life. But it was easier for me to shut it out and move on because I didn’t have the daily reminders of those people being gone. I missed them, but I could move on.
Then Leland’s dad died and that hit our family HARD. And we grieved, and we continue to grieve when there are reminders of him. But once again, I could insulate myself and move on because I didn’t have daily reminders of him. Not healthy nor helpful to my husband who does have daily reminders that his dad is no longer here.
When our family dog of 11 years died, that is when I realized how unhealthy of a griever I am. Not that I’m comparing a dog’s life to a human’s life because I know they are not the same thing, but her death brought daily reminders for me, and it was the first time that I really thought about others who have daily reminders of someone they love deeply who is no longer with them.
So I cry for your loss. I mourn with you. I hurt for you. I stand with you. I repent of my insulation, and I am learning to be better about allowing my feelings to come freely rather than smothering them inside my heart to explode later.