Memories

This song played alot while we were in the U.S. last year spending time with my dad before he died. Every time I hear it, it brings tears to my eyes and makes me think of my dad. As both Leland and I have walked through this journey, first with his dad dying unexpectedly in a car accident and then my dad dying a slow debilitating death, we both feel the pain of loss. We feel the sadness of not getting to talk to our dads anymore, not seeing them, not giving them hugs, not hearing their laughs or their jokes, or them giving us advice whether asked or not… With Leland’s dad, there wasn’t a chance to say goodbye and there were so many things left unsaid. And with my dad, while we knew it was coming and we made some really good memories, there was still so much more we wished we could’ve said or did with him.

Life is funny like that; it feels like we have plenty of time, and yet, we never have enough time. You’d think these losses would make us “wake up” and be more intentional with our time. But unfortunately, it doesn’t. I was washing lettuce the other night for a salad and it made me think of my dad because he loved salads and always had one ready in the fridge. Then a few days later, Leland put on some country music while we were cooking dinner and the song “Live Like You Were Dying” came on the playlist. We both got tears in our eyes thinking about how that was just what my dad did. He realized he was dying and didn’t know how much time he had, so we saw a side of him that I’ve never seen before. He was vulnerable. He shared his love and feelings more freely. We had hard conversations and good conversations. We cried. We laughed. There was so much he wished he could still do, but he did what he could to enjoy his remaining time. There was pain, frustration, denial, fear. And we got to walk through some of that with him and my mom. About this time last year, we were with them knowing goodbyes were coming. We were all pretty sure it was going to be the last time we saw my dad. I wouldn’t give up our time with them for anything. But it doesn’t make the goodbye any easier. It doesn’t make the loss go away. But I am thankful for the memories. I can “cheers” for my dad. I can “cheers” for Leland’s dad. I can “cheers” alongside my family and friends who have lost people along the way.
He said “I was finally the husband that most of the time I wasn’t. And I became a friend a friend would like to have. And all of a sudden going fishin’ wasn’t such an imposition. And I went three times that year I lost my dad. Well I, I finally read the Good Book, and I took a good, long, hard look at what I’d do if I could do it all again…”

So today…

“Here’s to the ones that we got
Cheers to the wish you were here, but you’re not
‘Cause the drinks bring back all the memories
Of everything we’ve been through
Toast to the ones here today
Toast to the ones that we lost on the way
‘Cause the drinks bring back all the memories
And the memories bring back, memories bring back you…”

Here’s to trying to be more intentional about our time with the people we love.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s