Over the last 2-1/2 years, God has taught me, shaped me, and revealed more about me than I have experienced in my entire life.
When we first moved to Uganda, I wrestled with my identity. At first I learned that I had been finding my identity in my work and what I could produce. When my days were filled with a long to-do list but nothing of real substance to show for it, I discovered I felt lost and unsure of my value. After I wrestled with that, God very graciously reminded me that my ministry was serving Him however He needed me to serve Him, no matter how glamorous (or lack there of) it was. And that at first my ministry was my family as we all got adjusted and settled in our new culture.
Then I was struggling for friendships. I really wanted good friends and I felt like I was striving to find any relationship I could to fulfill me. I was longing for closeness and trying to find worth in people wanting to be my friend. Once again, God graciously reminded me that while friendships and relationships are good, they will not fulfill me and I need to turn to Him to be fulfilled. I still wrestle with this one sometimes because I never realized how much I want to be liked by other people.
Over the last few months, God has gently revealed my insecurities of self-worth, value, wanting to be liked…things I buried so deep that I didn’t even realize they were there until I started this journey with Him. I’ve learned that I have been insulating myself and keeping a strong face to protect myself from true hurt and vulnerability. And I’m still learning, still listening, and still struggling. But God has been so faithful to remind me that He is with me and is only teaching me so that I can better love Him and His people. I can’t say any of this has been easy to admit to myself or others, but I can only trust that God is working on my heart.
What is God teaching you?